"Leave me, lying here, 'cause I don't wanna go..."
I made a Pandora station today, and it totally rocks!!! I do, of course, have entirely too much time on my hands. As you can see, when I have an excess of time, it becomes largely consumed with writing and music. I have discovered a few things about some of my all-time favorite bands over the last few days. First, Veruca Salt. I can't exactly call them an all-time favorite, because their time was sadly short-lived. However, I thoroughly enjoyed their sound. When Volcano Girls came on my Pandora station, I got all happy inside as a big wave of nostalgia overcame me. Yeah...those were the days. I clicked on the little bio on the bottom, which took me to another page. Below the bio were some comments, and someone mentioned that Veruca Salt had been influenced by The Breeders. What is this you say? Another band I must check out, apparently.
I am one of those people who discovers great music waaaaaaaaay too late in life, and feels ripped off. I didn't hear any Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, or Bob Marley until I was 22. All I could think about was how many years I could have enjoyed such great music that I had missed out on. I never listened to the Beatles, really, until I was 26. Yes, 26. I was lucky enough to discover SOME great obscure bands that to this day remain undiscovered by most of my mainstream friends, but many others have STILL escaped my notice. I continue to discover new stuff that's been around forever and be totally sad about it on a constant basis. Sometimes it's weird, like with Alice in Chains. I totally listened to Pearl Jam and Nirvana, but never really paid much attention to Alice in Chains besides what was played on the radio. Why? Same genre, same time period, everything! I listened to Paula Cole, Natalie Merchant, Sarah Mclachlan, Shawn Colvin, Tracy Bonham, Jewel, Meredith Brooks, K's Choice...but didn't discover Liz Phair until I was 23. Again, all in the same genre, same time frame...I just somehow overlooked her. Hell, I even had an Abra Moore CD -- who has heard of HER -- but no Liz Phair. I had Tori Amos, Poe, Drain STH, Kittie, L7 -- oh yeah, that brings me to my next one. I listened to L7, but until just today, had not heard of Bikini Kill. Loved Joan Jett, but until I watched a movie on Netflix about 2 weeks ago, had never heard of The Runaways. *sigh* I love music. So anyway, this Pandora station is great, because I put in music I like, and it plays things that are similar.
For example, I LOVE LOVE LOVE that song "Rolling in the Deep" by Adele. I don't know what it IS about her, something about her voice, the way she sings it...it just GETS me. Ooooh, I get goosebumps. I don't necessarily care for the lyrics, they aren't so happy, but just grooving out to the sound and the melody, oh! That's what I love about a good song. Of course, I can really appreciate masterfully written lyrics, also. Take, for example, almost anything by Tool. Especially "The Pot" -- I love the part where he says, "Liar, lawyer, mirror show me -- what's the difference? Kangaroo done hung the guilty with the innocent". MAYNARD!!!!
I hate the weather today, it totally sucks. My biceps still hurt, but I have to work out today. No excuses! I took yesterday off, so if I don't do it today, I just KNOW I'll be off the wagon. "Off the wagon and on the town!" Sorry, singing L7. Oh, I have had a LOT of coffee today. I'm all over the place!!! Deep breath. Focus. Okay.
Someone on AfterEllen posted about how much she hates all these married closeted bisexual/lesbian women flirting, and I completely recognized the wisdom in that. I'm glad that I made the decision that I did, because I think the biggest disservice I've always done myself after ending any relationship is not taking enough time for myself. If you are pursuing another relationship while you're still IN one, you're not giving yourself ANY break. I have learned -- the HARD way -- that you need a time in between for healing and reflection. It has never ended well for me when I have overlapped or gone straight from one relationship to another. I DO have a tendency to do that, though, because it IS hard to be alone! I'm not going to lie, I hate being alone. I'm a big talker, so it's hard for me not to have someone to chat with all the time. That's why I really need FRIENDS right now. Having friends will satisfy my need for adult conversation, and I can give myself the time I need to work on myself. You want to already BE complete when you find someone to be with -- not give them half a person, expecting them to complete you. You want to find someone to share your happiness with, not someone to MAKE you happy. If you aren't ALREADY happy, you aren't ready for a relationship.
Why is it so much easier to know what to do than to actually do it? Theory/practice. I sound like I'm totally together, but I'm a total mess. Story of my life...