"Boy, you're just a stupid bitch and girl, you're just a no good dick..."
I have this really strange habit of correcting grammar in songs when I type the lyrics out. It just looks so WRONG to me that I can't just leave it incorrect, for fear that someone might think I didn't know the way it was supposed to be written or something. I'm not sure what my issue is, but the lyrics in the title of this entry are actually, "Boy, YOU just a stupid bitch and girl, YOU just a no good dick" but I couldn't bear to see them that way. They are from Black Tongue, by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I remember the first time I ever heard the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I was sitting in a coffee shop with my friend and the song "Maps" came on. She asked me if I had ever heard of them and told me that she thought I would really like them. She said "Maps" wasn't really a good representation of their sound, and she was absolutely right. I love discovering great music, especially music that has been recommended to me by friends who are familiar with my tastes. So, the next time I was in Best Buy, I bought the CD "Fever to Tell". I.Fell.In.Love. To this day, there are few things that get to me like that CD, like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. YEAH!
I went to a formal dance to raise funds for Pagan Pride day that year. I brought my girlfriend (the one who had a boyfriend when I was married -- the one I fell in love with, the one who broke MY heart -- not the other one. We shall call her "Earth Girl"). The girl who had introduced me to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs also came with us, as did two of our other friends. We brought the CD and asked the DJ to play some songs from it, and to our delight, he did! Of course, no one was dancing except the three of us crazy chicks, but we didn't give a damn. We had a great time that night. My girlfriend and I ended up going to an afterparty at another couple's house, and the husband kept touching me, which was making me very nervous. As he was making our bed downstairs, he explained to us that he and his wife were poly, and she had a boyfriend who lived upstairs.
I remember thinking of how strange that must be. Then again, how different was I? I was married and had a girlfriend -- the only difference was, my husband didn't KNOW. I guess being poly was the more honest way of living, providing that you truly love both partners. For me, though, it still wouldn't have been honest. I was in love with her and not with my husband. What do you do in a POLY relationship when that happens? You have two partners and they know about eachother, but you are in love with one and not the other? You can't always control that, you know. Believe me, I know. I loved my husband. I love my husband now. I love MANY people, and HAVE loved many people -- but you CAN NOT force yourself to be IN LOVE with someone. I know that is the typical line -- "I love you but I'm not IN love with you", but really, there IS a difference. I tried to explain it to my husband and he keeps telling me I don't love him. I keep telling him that is NOT what I said. I DO love him. I told him I wasn't IN love with him. Then he tells me there is no difference, and there IS! There absolutely IS! It makes me so sad that he doesn't understand that.
Oh, yeah, and before I forget again...I forgot to mention Otep yesterday. I was talking about how I liked certain bands, and had never heard of other ones. Well, I La-la-LOVED Kittie and I was reading something somewhere by someone who said they were lame (whatev) and that Otep was waaaaaaay better. Someone else responded that she agreed, BUT if someone liked Kittie, she should check out Otep, because she'd be sure to love them. Soooooo...another band to add to the list. I remember Space Girl (the one I am still friends with) saying she loved Otep, and I agreed because I must have thought she meant Type O Negative. It was only just now that I realized she was talking about something totally different.
This entry was supposed to be about how I am tired of being the little girl who sits on giant snowballs, and how I am tired of being so worried about whether or not anyone else accepts me. Apparently it went in a different direction and I'll have to explain that story next time. Might I mention something quickly, though, about something I saw in The L Word? Keep in mind, I'm still catching up.
I'm on the episode where Bette's boss tells her she has been married for 25 years and she thinks she's a lesbian. She asked Bette if it's too late, and Bette, in her soothing, gentle, sweet voice tells her it's never too late. Of course, I instantly burst into tears. Okay, give me a break, I'm super hormonal right now. I'm PMSing, and I'm on new birth control to top it all off. The part that irritated me, though, was that Alice thinks it's okay to just start dating her? What? Okay, she accepted she's gay, whatever, fine. However...isn't she still married? It's not her husband's fault that she didn't realize she was a lesbian, is it? When she asked Bette if she thought Alice liked her, I thought, "What does it matter if she does or not? You're still married, aren't you?" I see many women use bisexuality as an excuse to throw morality out the window, and now I am seeing women using the closeted lesbian thing as a reason to cheat on their husbands. I just think that's wrong. That is not to say that I haven't been guilty of it, because I think we all know that I have -- and I learned the hard way that it hurts innocent people. It never ends well for you, for your husband, or for the girl you are dating. Maybe all three will get hurt, maybe only two of the three, or maybe only one. You don't know who it will be, though, and you can almost guarantee that everyone won't escape that situation unscathed. Take my word for it.