Drain STH

"Hope is wearing thin as ice
When my feelings slowly die
Is there anyone there?
Am I all alone?
Through the flesh to the bone
Thorn sticks deep inside me
Can you feel me, I am wrong
Can you see me, I am gone
From the things I have denied
Feel the smell, Feel the smell
From what once was me
I am trapped in myself
Buried in my body
Can you feel me I am wrong
Can you see me so long gone
I am lost, I'm on my own
All my feelings, turned to stone
To stone...
To stone..."

I usually like action pictures, but I found it pretty difficult to capture each of these ladies performing at the same time in one picture.  Posed pictures can be pretty cool too, I guess.  Hey, 1995 called -- they said IT'S OVER.  I'm guilty of living in the 90's BIG TIME, and I'm not ashamed to admit it.  I get all happy and nostalgic when I hear Ace of Base, The Cranberries, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, Gin Blossoms, Counting Crows, Weezer, Bush, Sublime, K's Choice, Melissa Etheridge, even Salt 'N Pepa and TLC.  I could honestly go on for pages here.  Anywho, I present to you now another lost treasure of the 90's -- Drain STH.  These chicks rocked.  I liked Kittie because they were hardcore, but Drain STH had a little bit more of a melodic side to them.  It's hard to explain.  It's like, sometimes I'm in the mood for Slipknot and sometimes I'd rather hear Stone Sour.  (Stone Sour has Corey from Slipknot, yet it's a more melodic version of the same type of sound).  Or old Mudvayne vs. new Mudvayne.

For the record, I mentioned Otep a few entries back.  I was going to give them a listen because I had loved Kittie so much and someone had suggested Otep as a band that would appeal to Kittie fans.  I suppose that may be the case, but it was hard to discern because I wasn't in that kind of a mood.  I don't think Kittie would have floated my boat right now either, I'm feeling pretty relaxed and mellow.  I liked Otep's sound, I just wasn't feeling it at the moment.  I'll have to give it another go at another time.

I have to say, I misjudged Space Girl's reaction.  I probably wouldn't even have told her yet, except I was intoxicated.  You know how things sometimes just come out...  In any case, I felt really embarrassed after I told her, and I was concerned about how that might make her feel.  I mentioned this before, but who was I, still in a state of married heterosexual privilege, to trivialize the whole thing and make light of the life SHE is living by trying to compare myself to her, or to liken my situation to hers in any way?  Which, of course, I wasn't doing at all, but I wasn't sure how she would take it.  I didn't know if she would be insulted or offended, or if she would judge me, or even if she would take me seriously.  To my surprise, she has turned out to be really supportive.  It's really nice to know someone who kind of understands and who is there for you.  Of course, like I told her, I'm trying my best not to obsess over this, and I'm not going to try to abuse her friendship by wearing out my welcome (so to speak).  I don't want to be like one of those girls who just starts a new relationship and always talks about it, or asks for advice on "they didn't call for 2.5 hours, what do you think that means, should I wear this on our date, should I do this or that, she did this or that what does it mean, we did this together we're doing this together someday we're going to do this and that and blah blah blah blah..."  In fact, I even wrote a blog entry on Facebook about how one of our other friends realized she was gay, and I hung out with her and that's all SHE talked about.  I guess I can understand a little better now, though.  It really consumes your life.  I'm trying not to let that happen, but damn!  This is huge!  I get it now.

There is one thing I'm a little nervous about, though.  I have full custody of my son, and he is pretty hard to handle.  Because of that fact, I don't really have a babysitter.  My sister in law is the only one that can handle him, and she works a lot.  Well, my husband can, but when we're not together anymore, that won't matter.  What I worry about is trying to date again.  How am I going to get any free time? 

On one hand, T will be in kindergarten in the fall, so I'll have a little bit of time when I'm not in class during the day.  Also, his dad said he's filing a motion and trying to get supervised visitation.  I have no problem with supervised visitation, as a matter of fact, I requested that in the motion I already filed but let him waste his money and file another one.  The judge just hasn't entered the order yet.  The goal of supervised visitation is to move toward unsupervised visitation, which I have mixed feelings about.  I don't think having every other weekend to myself is worth the risk of my son getting abused at the hands of his stepmom again, or being placed in the care of registered sex offenders.  How easy is it going to be, though, to find a girl who loves kids so much that she wants to be around my unruly son ALL THE DAMN TIME?  Hell, even I wish I had a break sometimes.  Stupid bad fathers.  :(